Seriously, why do people go to the cinema if all they're going to do is sit there on their iphones and talk to their fucking mates or play touchscreen games? It was one of several things in my mind as I sat in the cinema, waiting for Predators to start. Some of the others were a) why do mothers with eight children insist on buying their refreshments in separate transactions and b) why wait until the end of said transactions to purchase their tickets? And c) why does said woman think it's fine to spend ten minutes doing this sort of thing?
Alright, Predators. Robert Rodriguez as producer said he was keen on creating a film that honoured the first, and this film does indeed do that. It does it very well actually. The film is an extremely solid and spirited film that does indeed restore the Predator to ultimate space bad-ass status. What puzzles me a little was the fact that Robert Rodriguez also mentioned that the script he had written which formed the basis for this new film contained loads of 'out of this world' stuff that, at the time, was insanely ambitious and could not have possibly have been filmed (only because he had no confidence anyone would ever make the script). What's puzzling about this? Well, it's the word 'ambition' that sort of sticks like a bur. Nobody could accuse the film of laziness or of being outrageous, but you could definitely accuse this film of being safe. It's a good Predator film, but it's almost uncomfortably similar to the original. A group of mismatched crims and mercenaries find themselves on a giant game preserve planet. Death lurks in the jungle, in the form of a gang of Predators keen on turning Adrien Brody and his followers into a load of skinned carcasses hanging from trees.
Before I move onto my main issue with the film, let's discuss whether or not Adrien Brody rates highly on the 'hard as nails mercenary' scale and his various buddies. There was some discussion when casting was announced as to whether or not Adrien Brody could even touch Arnold Schwarzenegger in Predator smacking-down, but rest assured, the pianist himself comes good. He was always a great actor, and here he's got a real charisma and gruffness about him that is never anything other than convincing. I suppose it also helps he's built like the proverbial brick shithouse. It's another ensemble piece, including Danny Trejo as a cartel enforcer, Topher Grace as a slippery doctor and Laurence Fishburne as a crazy guy who turns up for five minutes and manages to lose every cool point he has ever acquired.
Pictured: Laurence Fishburne. Not pictured: Bugshit insane acting.
So, the cast is good except for Fishburne. So what? Predator wasn't without a dolt or two. The main problem with the film, as I was going to say, lies a paragraph or two back. Remember that bit where I said hat 'death lurks in the jungle'? Yes, it's the jungle again. We all loved Predator, but that doesn't mean recreating it down to the finest detail will make this film automatically as awesome. It's also a curiously non alien planet for a...well....alien planet. There's even a plant that Topher Grace's character recognizes. How the fuck does he do that? A plant on an alien planet. He even recognizes its genus and whether or not it's dangerous. So, what, the Predators populated a planet with earth plants and let loose humans on it? Then why set it on a jungle planet? Why not anywhere else? Until we see a full landscape of moons and other intergalactic oddness, they could have been anywhere. It's a slightly disappointing throwback to 1987 that they've dragged us back to the jungle again.
The film starts in a similar fashion, stalking-in-the-jungle and being watched by unseen eyes. We get a taste of things to come with an attack by Predator hunting hounds early on. This sequence is snappy and entertaining, but marred by the terrible creature design for the Predator dogs. They're not scary or threatening, they're just slightly sloppy dinosaur knock offs. Judging by what I've said so far, you'd think I disliked it. I didn't, it was just a bit average. Finally the film kicks into high gear when our bunch meet Laurence Fishburne, and he sort of explains what's been going on while he's been on the planet. I'll try to avoid discussing much more of the plot, but naturally they get whittled down one by one as the Predators close the net on the dwindling bunch, and it's awesome stuff. Really awesome. This may not be the most elegant of prose, but how is a face off between a guy with a samurai sword and a Predator anything other than awesome? The action beats are impeccable, the action is gory and refreshingly lacking in CG. For those moaning and bleating about the 15 rating, don't worry, there is one very satisfying censor-defying moment that harks back to the original Predator. Naturally, Broyce has to do some seriously violent stuff in order to survive. The film's second half more than makes up for the predator dogs and Laurence Fishburne's acting, and there are plenty of violent clashes that are just pure popcorn.
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the Predator disembodies tonight...
The film isn't scary, but it shouldn't be. Predator wasn't scary either. It was a panic film, and Predators is a great panic film. The characters are driven to run like hell from the Predators, and it's an awesome chase. There's some good music, the effects are largely practical ones and it all feels like it's done properly, unlike the cinematic abomination which was Aliens Vs. Predator. Predators are cool again. The main failing point is that the film doesn't reach for new heights, doesn't try for anything new and despite my praise for the film's tight and chase-like nature, it's sort of frustrating that there's no real attempt at making the Predator formula fresh. The attempt to go back to basics worked so well that the film is on the same level of ambition as 'Predator', which it should not do. Alien and Aliens were very different films, and for all of 'Alien 3's failings, it at least tried to shake up the structure a little, which not even Predators does. Still, the film is a good one. It's fun, well made, violent and brings back a certain nastiness that Predators have lacked since Predator 2. .
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